SMS Dictionary

It was autumn, and the Red Indians asked their New Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Red Indian chief in a modern society, he couldn’t tell what the weather was going to be.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his Tribe that the
winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of
the village should collect wood to be prepared.

But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked “Is the coming winter going to be cold?” “It looks like this winter is Going to be quite cold indeed,” the weather man Responded.

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more Wood. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. “Is it going to be a very cold winter?” “Yes,” the man at National Weather Service again replied, “It’s definitely going to be
a very cold winter.”

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again.
“Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?” “Absolutely, ” The Man replied.
“It’s going to be one of the coldest winters ever.”

“How can you be so sure?” the Chief asked. The weatherman replied, “The Red Indians are collecting wood like Crazy.”

This is how stock markets work!!!

If we were to Honestly reply to all the HR Questions they would go something like this

1. Why did you apply for this job?
I have applied for many jobs along with this and you called me now.

2. Why do you want to work for this company?
I have to work for some company who ever gives me a job, I don’t have any specific company in mind.

3. Why should I hire you?
You have to hire some one, you may give me a try.

4.What would you do if we hire you?
Well, it depends on my mindset but I will try to work on whatever is allotted to me.

5.What is your biggest strength?
Basically, daring to join any company who pays me well, without thinking of the fate of company.

6.What is your biggest weakness?
Girls

7.What was your worst mistake, and how did you learn from it?
Joining my earlier company and learn that I need to jump to get more money, so I am here today!

8. What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?
Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my job? I could demand more and stay there.

9.Describe a challenge you faced and how you overcame it?
Biggest challenge is answering the question “why are you looking for a change” and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome that.

10.Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?
For the same reason why you left your earlier job… more money

11.What do you want from this job?
If no work is given but keep giving good hikes

12.What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?
Make more money and for that keep jumping companies for every 2 yrs

13.Did you hear of our company and what do you know of us?
Yeah, I know that you will ask this, I’ve gone through your website

14.What is the salary expected and how do u justify that?
Well, no one will change job for the same salary, hence, give me 20% extra than what I am getting and that is unpublished industry standard (I know you will bargain on what ever I ask, hence, I have already hiked my current salary by 30%).

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops – a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight,built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, “Big John doesn’t pay!” and sat down at the back.

Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn’t argue with Big John, but he wasn’t happy about it. The next day the same thing happened – Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the next.

This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff.

By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what’s more, he felt really good about himself. So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, “Big John doesn’t pay!”

The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, “And why not?”

With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, “Big John has a bus pass.”

Management Lesson: “Be sure there is a problem in the first place before working hard to solve one.”

Do you want to impress or confuse clients or Vice versa?…… …use
Techno vocabulary.. It can be called the “Buzzword” writing method. It
is simple.

There are three columns of words involved, as follows:

0. Balanced 0. Management 0. contingency
1. total 1. Organization 1. Hardware (or software)
2. integrated 2. reciprocal 2. projection
3. compatible 3. monitored 3. time-frame
4. synchronized 4.. digital 4. concept
5. optimal 5. modular 5. programming
6. responsive 6. transitional 6. mobility
7. functional 7. Incremental 7. capability
8. parallel 8. third-generation 8. flexibility
9. systemized 9. policy 9. options

Just select any three-digit number; then use the corresponding
Buzzwords from the above grid, e.g., 257: “integrated modular
capability”. Don’t worry if it doesn’t make sense to you; it won’t
mean anything to anyone else either, but they’ll think you’re just
smarter than they are so they won’t say anything!! .. You can propose
“systemized reciprocal options” (929) to achieve “optimal
transitional flexibility” (568), so that we can think of an
“integrated monitored projection” ………… ..and your boss will
probably promote you or your customer will be blown away with your
technological superiority .

A Professor at one of the IIMs
was explaining marketing concepts to the Students:

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and say: “I am very rich.
“Marry me!” – That’s Direct Marketing”

2. You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a
gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and
pointing at you says: “He’s very rich.
“Marry him.” -That’s Advertising”

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and get her telephone number. The next day, you
call and say: “Hi, I’m very rich.
“Marry me – That’s Telemarketing”

4. You’re at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up
and straighten your tie, you
walk up to her and pour
her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her,
pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and
then say:”By the way, I’m rich. Will you
“Marry Me?” – That’s Public Relations”

5. You’re at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks
up to you and says:”You are very rich!
“Can you marry ! me?” – That’s Brand Recognition”

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and say: “I am very rich. Marry me!” She gives you
a nice hard slap on your face. -
“That’s Customer Feedback”

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and say: “I am very rich. Marry me!” And she
introduces you to her husband. -
“That’s demand and supply gap”

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a
party. You go up to
her and before you say anything, another person come
and tell her: “I’m rich. Will you marry me?” and she
goes with him -
“That’s competition eating into your market share”

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and before you say: “I’m rich, Marry me!” your
wife arrives. -
“That’s restriction for entering new markets”