SMS Dictionary

Sar jukaogay to, pathar devta ho jayega,
Itna mat chaho usay, woh be-wafa ho jayega

Hum bhi dariya hain hamein, apna hunar maaloom hain,
Jis taraf bhi chal padangay, raasta ho jayega

Main khuda ka naam lay kar, pee raha hoon doston,
Zahar bhi ismay agar, hoga dava ho jayega

Rooth jana to mohabbat kee, alamat hai magar,
Kya khabar thi mujh say woh, itna khafa ho jayega

Sar jukaogay to pathar devta ho jayega,
Itna mat chaho usay woh be-wafa ho jayega

1. The Population of the world can live within the state boundaries of Texas.

2. Honey is the only food that does not spoil. Honey found in the
tombs of Egyptian pharaohs has been tasted by archaeologists and found edible.

3. 9 out of 10 people believe Thomas Edison invented the light bulb. This isn’t true; Joseph Swan did.

4. The town of Los Angeles, California, was originally named El Pueblo la Nuestra Senora de Reina de los Angeles de la Porciuncula.

5. The largest living thing on the face of the Earth is a mushroom
underground in Oregon, it measures three and a half miles in diameter.

6. Washington State has the longest single beach in the United States, Long Beach, WA.

7. A German World War II submarine was sunk due to malfunction of the toilet.

8. Abe Lincoln bought 50 cents worth of cocaine in 1860

9. In some (maybe all) Asian countries, the family name is written first and the individual name written second (opposite of the America method). Thats why Asian athletes like Yao Ming and Ichiro Suzuki have Yao and Ichiro written on their jerseys. Those are their family names and in America their names are written Ming Yao and Suzuki Ichiro.

10. Scientists have determined that fungi are more closely related to human beings and animals than to other plants.

11. There is a rare condition called Exploding Head Syndrome which you’ve probably never heard of.

12. Men can breastfeed babies

13. The Kamp Krusty episode of the Simpson’s was originally meant to be made as the Simpsons movie.

14. The average American consumes 1.2 pounds of spider eggs a year and eat 2.5 pounds of insect parts a year.

15. The number of people alive on earth right now is higher than the number of all the people that have died. Ever.

16. Happy Birthday (the song) is copyrighted.

17. Just about 3 people are born every second, and about 1.3333 people die every second. The result is about a 2 and 2/3 net increase of people every second. Almost 10 people more live on this Earth now, than before you finished reading this.
18. The deadliest war in history excluding World War II was a civil war in China in the 1850s in which the rebels were led by a man who thought he was the brother of Jesus Christ.
19. The total combined weight of the worlds ant population is heavier than the weight of the human population.

20. During World War II, IBM built the computers the Nazis used to
manage their death/concentration camps.

21. The US national anthem actually has three verses, but everyone just knows the first one.

22. Every drop of seawater contains approximately 1 billion gold atoms.

23. Uncle Phil, from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, did the voice of
Shredder in the TMNT cartoon.

24. Its impossible to smoke oneself to death with weed. You won’t be able to retain enough motor control and consciousness to do so after such a large amount. (Common Sense)

25. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than
left-handed people do.

26. The average chocolate bar has 8 insect legs in it.
27. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all
the Sikhs had to
leave Italy. Naturally there was a big uproar from the
Sikh community.

So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious
debate with a member
of the Sikh community. If the Sikh won, the Sikhs
could stay.

If the Pope won, the Sikhs would leave.

The Sikhs realized that they had no choice. So they
picked a middle-aged
man named Harbinder Singh to represent them. Harbinder
asked for one
additional condition to the debate. To make it more
interesting, neither
side would be allowed to talk.

The Pope agreed.

The day of the great debate came. Harbinder Singh and
the Pope sat
opposite each other for a full minute. Then the Pope
raised his hand and
showed three fingers.

Harbinder looked back at him and raised one finger.

The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his
head.

Harbinder pointed to the ground where he sat.

The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine.

Harbinder pulled out an apple.

The Pope stood up and said, “I give up. This man is
too good.
The Sikhs can stay.”

An hour later, the cardinals were gathered around the
Pope asking him
what had happened.

The Pope said, “First I held up three fingers to
represent the holy
trinity.

He responded by holding up one finger to remind me
that there was still
One God common to both our religions.

Then, I waved my finger around me to show him that God
was all around
us.

He responded by pointing to the ground and showing
that God was also
right here with us.

Then, I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God
absolves us from
our sins.

He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin.

He had an answer for everything. What could I do?”

Meanwhile, the Sikh community had crowded around
Harbinder Singh.
“What happened?” they asked.

“Well,” said Harbinder, “First he said to me that the
Sikhs had three
days to get out of here.

I told him not one of us was leaving.

Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared
of Sikhs.

I let him know that we were staying right here.”

“Yes, and then???” asked the crowd.

“I don’t know”, said Harbinder, “He took out his
lunch, and I took out
mine!!

One Bengali is a poet.
Two Bengalis is a film society.
Three Bengalis is a political party.
Four Bengalis is two political parties.

One Punjabi is a 100 kg hulk named Pinky.
Two Punjabis is a Pinky with his brother Twinky.
Three Punjabis is an assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local
McDonalds. Four Punjabis is a combined IQ equal to one.

One Bihari is Laloo Prasad Yadav.
Two Biharis is a booth-capturing squad.
Three Biharis is caste killing.
Four Biharis is the entire literate population of Patna.

One Mallu is a coconut stall.
Two Mallus is a boat race.
Three Mallus is a Gulf job racket.
Four Mallus is an oil slick.

One UP bhaiyya is a milkman.
Two UP bhaiyyas is a halwai shop.
Three UP bhaiyyas is a fist-fight in the UP assembly.
Four UP bhaiyyas is a destruction squad!!

One Gujju is a share-broker in a Bombay train.
Two Gujjus is a rummy game in a Bombay train.
Three Gujjus is Bombay’s noisiest restaurant.
Four Gujjus is a stock market scam.

One Andhraite is a chilli farmer.
Two Andhraites is a software company in New Jersey.
Three Andhraites is a Naxalite outfit.
Four Andhraites is a song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie.

One Kashmiri is a carpet salesman.
Two Kashmiris is a carpet factory.
Three Kashmiris is a terrorist outfit.
Four Kashmiris is a shoot-at-sight order.

One Tam-Brahm is a priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple.
Two Tam-Brahms is a maths tuition class.
Three Tam-Brahms is a queue outside the U.S consulate at 4 a.m. Four
Tam-Brahms is a Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara .

One Bombayite is a footpath vada-pav stall.
Two Bombayites is a film studio.
Three Bombayites is a slum.
Four Bombayites is the number of people standing on your foot in the
train at rush hour.!!

THIS IS HILARIOUS!
DO NOT SAVE - PASS ON

A man takes the day off work and
decides to go out golfing.
He is on the second hole when he
notices a frog sitting next to
the green.
He thinks nothing of it and is

about to shoot when he

hears, Ribbit 9 Iron.”

The man looks around and doesn’t

see anyone. Again, he
hears, “Ribbit 9 Iron.” He looks
at the frog and decides to

prove the frog wrong, puts the
club away, and grabs a 9 iron.

Boom!
He hits it 10 inches from the

cup. He is shocked. He says
to the frog, “Wow that’s amazing.

You must be a lucky frog, eh?

The frog replies, “Ribbit Lucky frog.”
The man decides to take the frog
with him to the next hole.

“What do you think frog?” the

man asks. “Ribbit 3 wood.”

The guy takes out a 3 wood and,
Boom! Hole in one. The

man is befuddled and doesn’t know

what to say. By the end

of the day, the man golfed the

best game of golf in his life and
asks the frog, “OK where to next?”
The frog replies, “Ribbit Las Vegas.

” They go to Las Vegas
and the guy says, “OK frog, now
what?” The frog says, “Ribbit Roulette.” Upon
approaching the roulette table, The man

asks, “What do you think I should
bet?” The frog replies, “Ribbit
$3000, black 6.”

Now, this is a
million-to-one shot to win, but
after the golf game the man

figures what the heck.

Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.

The man takes his winnings and
buys the best room in the
hotel. He sits the frog down and
says, “Frog, I don’t know how to repay you.
You’ve won me all this money and
I am forever grateful.”

The frog replies,

“Ribbit KissMe.”
He figures why not,

since after all the frog did for
him, he deserves it. With a
kiss, the frog turns into a
gorgeous 15-year-old girl. “And that,

your honor, is how the girl

ended up in my room. So help me God

or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton.”

may mohobat hon muja pyar kar kay dakh.
may mohobat na don tu khna.

may keetab hon muja per kar dakh.
may samj na aon tu khna.

may muskorahat hon muja has kar dakh.
may na sajon taray hontoo per tu khna.

may kushboo hon muja mahsos kar kay dakh.
na mahkoon tare zindagiii may tu khna.

may zindagii hon muja apna kar kay dakh.
na bano tare tu khna.

may chahat hon muja seenay say laga kar dakh.
na lagoon seenay say tu khna.

may dil hon muja sun kar dakh.
na darkoon taray dil may tu khna.

may sans hon muj may mehak kar dakh.
na taray sang mehakoon tu khna.

may rha hon muj per chal kar dakh
na tare rah ban kar chaloon tu khna.

may manzeel hon muj per a kar dakh.
na taer manzeel bano tu khna.

may badal hon muj may hall ho kar dakh.
bars kar jal thal na kar doon tu khna.

may shama hon maray pass a kar dakh.
na roshni don tu khna.

may kalee hon muja choo kar dakh.
na phool doon tu khna.

may phool hon muja laga kar dakh.
na mahkoon din rat tu khna

A sardarji and a Bengali, both suffering from serious diseases, share
the
same room in a hospital.

They are taken violently ill and they cannot even utter a word.

After a few days of living together, the Bengali gets really bored and
wants to start off a conversation with his fellow patient.

He realises that he has not enough energy left to say a sentence;
instead
he just attempts to say a word.

After much effort he turns to the Sardarji ,points his finger towards
himself and says “Bengali”.

Sardarji doesn’t want to let the poor Bengali down who has struggled so
hard to start a conversation.

Sardarji musters all his energy and says “Punjabi” gesturing the same
way
as Bengali did.

Bengali is happy now and wants to continue the conversation. After much
more effort this time he says, again pointing his finger towards
himself
“Sharath

Bose”

Sardarji after some effort says “Devindar Singh”.

Bengali is even happier that they now know each other’s names.

After some time, Bengali turns towards Sardarji and mustering all his
energy says “Cancer” - - again doing the same gesture as before

Sardarji smiles and with some effort says “Aquarius

Gulshan Grover is riding a bike at the velocity of light.
On the way he offers a lift to a stranger.

Stranger: ‘Sir, can I know your name please’
Gulshan : ‘I am Gulshan Grocer’
Stranger : Grocer? Sure you dont mean Gulshan Grover??
Gulshan: No it is Grocer.

Now tell me why did Gulshan say so…

scroll down for the ultimate PJ

Further,,,

Little further…

ANS: Because at the speed of light V=C

Ek Gaaon me Seeta aur Geeta do Behane rehati hai.
Dono ko ek baar nadi paar karanee hoti hai.
Seeta nadee me kudati hai aur tairake jaatee hai.
Geeta pool ke upar se chalake jaati hai.
Phir bhi Gaaon ke log bolate hai ki Seeta Geeta se jyada intellegent hai.
Kyon?

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Socho.
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Nahi pata?
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Kyonki
Seeta ko Geeta se S.S.C ke exam me jyada marks milate hai.

zindegi ek paheli hai…
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scroll karne se solve nahi hogi….

Teacher: ‘A’ for?
Student: Apple !!!
Teacher: Jor se bolo
Student: JAI MATA DI

Ek baar ek aadmi ne badi tapasya ki.

shivji khush .

Prakat hue …

bole …

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puttar maang …

maang kya chahiye tujhey !

bakth utha …

bole shivji …

mujhey to aap sirf ek guitar de do !

shivji bole kaisa gadha hai ?

unhone kaha … puttar …

tuney badi achchi tapsya ki hai …

kuch bada maang !

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wo fir bola … nahi ji ..mujhey to aap guitar hi do

shivji ne phir samajhaya .. abey .. kuch dhang ka maang … !

par wo to ada hi hua tha … bola nahi … aap to mujhey guitar hi do !

shivji usey bade pyaar se khopch me lekar samjhane lage … bole ..yaar tu

kuch aur maang .. guitar

na maang …

wo bola … nahi nahi nahi !! mujhey sirf guitar hi chahiye … ab

shivji gussey main aa gaye … boley ,(scroll down)

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saale .. agar guitar mere paas hota to main ye damaru kyo bajata

sardar kya sochte sochte marr gaya ???

….

….

….

agar meri bahan se do bhai hain, to mera sirf ek kaise ?

) Smoking
2) Drinking
3) Charas
4) Ganja
5) Chicken
6) Mutton
7) Oily food
Masala
9) Sleep & obesity
10) Pollution

=

Heart Attack

Matlab

scrolll down

DUS bahane karke le gaye DIL !!

Do you know why the name of Madras was replaced by Chennai???

Think……

Think..

Bit more…….

Because…a Madrassi wears lungi and there is no zip means
chen..nai…

What’s the opposite of “Dominoes”???

think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think

tired of thinking???

Well the answer is “Domi doesn’t know”

Whats the opposite of “Pizza Hut”

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okei don’t kill me “Pizza Hutna math”

ok whats the opp of venky’s..

venlocks…
(now,now,dont bang ur head plz..)

Gattu ek lecture attend karta hai.

lecture ke baad use bhookh

lagti hai. so

he goes to the canteen. canteen

mein gattu ek pav leta hai.

jaise hi woh

pav khane ke liye uthata hai to

dekhta hai ki uski plate mein

“jannat” likha hai.

To janaab ab aapko yeh batana hai

ki gattu jiska

lecture attend karke aa raha hai!

, us proffessor ka

naam kya hai???

guess

scroll down for the answer

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The answer is

Ishq Ki Chhaon.

Jinke “Sir” ho “Ishq ki Chhaon”

“Pav” ke neeche “Jannat” hogi….

A women goes in an Auto (rickshaw) and gets bald??? How???

Lets C’ if you can solve this one….

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Can’t think…c’mon…

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Here goes the answer…

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.Automatically (Auto-Mein-Takli)…..Smile-

Whats the opposite of Gopalakrishnan?

Comepalakrishnan.

What is the opposite of Subramnium Swamy?

Subramanium Didn’t See Me.

How do they start a road race in Tamil Nadu?

Ready….Steady…..PO

What do you call a really colourful Tamilian?

Rangamannar Rangarajan.

What do you call an amazing Malayalee?

Pheno Menon.

What do you call a dashing Malayalee?

Debo Nair.

Why did the Malayalee cross the road?

To join the trade union on the other side.

do you call a god fearing Sindhi?

Bhagwandas Godwani.

A Sindhi electrician?

Voltram Bijlani.

A Sindhi milkman?

Gopal Dudeja.

A Sindhi pest control contractor?

Khatmull Marwani.

A Sindhi detergent?

Neelam Rin-dani.

A Sindhi postman?

Mailwani.

A fashionable Sindhi?

Jogio Armani or Primlani.

A forgetful Sindhi?

Bhulo Bhulchandani.

A fat Sindhi?

Hathiramani

A corrupt Sindhi?

Chaipani.

A Sindhi fly?

Makhija.

Why did the visitor to the Gujju home run away when

he was offered tea?

Because the Gujju said he would serve snakes with it.

What is a Gujju picnic called?

A snake in the grass.

Why did the American get scared of the Gujju?

Because he said ‘Sue kare chhe.’

What did the Gujju! mean when he said,” Maro dikro

STATES ma gayon?”

His son failed in statistics.

Maro dikro Dubai gayo?

My son drowned.

Which programs do gujjus couples love to watch on

tv? Be-watch

(Baywatch, Be in gujju is 2)

What do you call a knee less gujju ?

Nilesh (Pronounced Nee-Less)

An outlawed Bengali?

Kanoon Banerjee.

An enlightened Bengali?

Jyoti Basu.

Bengali who works?

A work of fiction.

A stupid Bengali girl?

Balika Buddhu.

A Bengali marriage?

Bedding

A mad Bengali?

In Sen.

A dark Bengali who lives in a cave?

Kalidas Guha.

A Bengali mobster?

Robin G

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses’ wife instead.

“I’m afraid he died last week.” she explains.

The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.

“I told you” the wife replies, “he died last week.”

The next day he calls again and once more asks to Speak to his boss.

By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, “I’VE ALREADY TOLD
YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK!

WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?”

“Coz,” he replied laughing, “I just love hearing it…”

A guy is traveling in a deluxe car in the desert. He wants to take a bath,
but he hasn

�t got a soap and there is no water anywhere around �

what can he do?

->>He will integrate his d-lux car to get Lux + c (constant of integration)
Using the lux soap he will take bath in the �c�.

one day a man calls his wife from his IDEA mobile
his call gets cross connected to some other lady.They still keep on
talking..they start liking each other..and finally they get married.
what MORAL do u get???
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An IDEA can change your wife.

ek baar teen ants jarahi thee…….
to unhein cheenee(sugar) ki bori milti hie to pahlee do cheenti to usmein se
cheenee ke dane utha leti hei but ek nahi uthati batao kyu ………..

kyunki

kyunki

use sugar ki beemari thee

A sardarji went to a STD/ISD/PCO SHOP and slapped the operator twice.

Guess why ?

because there it was written “Number dial karne se pehele do lagae”

a sardar goes to movie with 17 sardars
why?????????????

coz it was an adult movie n below 18 were not allowed

MALLIKA SHERAWAT KE MARNE KE BAAD USKI KABR PE KYA LIKHA HOGA?

“PEHLI BAR AKELI SOYI HAI.:”

how do u place a camel in a fridge in three steps??
…
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1.open the fridge
2.keep the camel inside it
3.close the fridge
next one
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hoe do u place an elephant in the fridge in 4 steps??
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1.open fridge 2.take the camel out
3.place the elephant inside
4.close the door

there was a jungle meeting. all the animals were required to report. all of
them turned out, except one. who was it and why??

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.the elephant… u put it in the refridgerator, remember ???

now u have to cross a river which ios inhabited by deadly crocodiles…but
any way u have to cross that river …how will u cross that ?
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it simple …as all animals are attending the meeting …so no crocodiles
are there..so u can cross easily…

Okay in the jungle meeting where all the animals reported, they were
welcomed with gutkha…..only one animal requested for a particular brand.
which animal and which brand?

Ans: the animal is giraffe and he opted for “Manikchand” (Unche log unchi
pasand !!!)

king lion goes on a search to find elephant

and has absolutely no problem in locatin this camel……y??

becoz our elephant kept his footwear outside the fridge.

suppose u need 2 transport all the things in ur house 4 relocating..suppose
u go by aircraft … it is losing height and pilot asks u throw something
away to reduce load…what is the thing u will throw away to reduce the
load??
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the elephant in the fridge!!!!!!!!

two persons r talkin by the swimming pool…one says he wont swim bcoz he is
afraid of dying bcoz of drowning…..the other one says ….hey dont be
afraid..i’ll show u how 2 swim and he dives in the pool n starts
swimming….
suddenly, the man outside the pool dies…
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guess why????????
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the elephant falls on him…….
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ok enough time pass one final Q

ek haathi agar swimming pool mein gir gaya
to kaise bahar nikalega???????
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think
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think….
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geela ho ke nikalega……

ek aadmi marne vala hei to use kya khilaoge ……..

sweets nops

sault nopes

think

think

are yaar
birla white cement
kyunki iske ander jaan hei…….

whats difference between a man jumping from 1st floor and a man jumping from
10th floor?
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former goes (hit) aaaaaaaaa
later goes aaaaaaaaa (hit)

Other than being fruits, what is common between an Apple and an Orange?

think……
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socho socho
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the answer is ……….
They Both Are Not a Banana !!

A college student needed a small two-hour course to fill his schedule and the only one available was wildlife Zoology.

After one week, a test was held. The professor passed out a sheet of paper divided into four squares.

In each square was a carefully drawn picture of a bird’s legs. No bodies, no feet, just legs.

The test asked each student to identify the birds from their legs.

The student sat and stared at the test getting angrier every minute.

Finally he stomped up to the front of the classroom and threw the test on the teacher’s desk.

“This is the worst test I have ever given.”

The teacher looked up and said:

“Young man, you have flunked the test. What’s your name?”

The student pulled up his pant to the knee showing his legs and said:

“You tell me…”

During a good manners and etiquette class, the teacher says to her students: “If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?”

Mike replies “Wait a minute, I’m going for a pee”

The teacher says : “That would be very rude and improper on your part.”

Charlie replies: “I’m sorry I need to go to the toilet, I’ll be back in a minute.”

The teacher says : “That’s much better but to mention the word “toilet” during a meal, is unpleasant.”

And Johnny says: “My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope, to be able to introduce to you after dinner. ”

The teacher passed out